3D OR NOT 2B

Over the last few weeks i have seen two films in 3D one was rather good and the other was painfully bad...lets start with the good

AVATAR
From the opening scene i was like WOW, the picture is so clear that you feel the actors are standing right in front of you, i love the world Cameron has created, the creatures, the plants, the characters, visually everything is spot on.

The weakest part of the movie is the storyline there isn't really anything to it and the plot is predictable, even Stevie Wonder could see whats coming.

Overall i really enjoyed the movie the stunning effects make up for the bland plot.

4/5

ALICE IN WONDERLAND

The first Tim Burton film i ever saw was Beetlejuice, the wit, imagination and brilliance of this film made me a Tim Burton fan, now i sit and watch his latest work/re imagined Alice in wonderland and all i can say is ...WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP there is no wit or imagination just boring scene after boring scene.

The worst parts of the movie include:

- The door mouse voiced by Barbara Winsor (stick to Eastenders )

-Paul Whitehouse as the march hare does a really bad Scottish accent and so does Johnny Depp for a bit ....for some reason.

The effects are ok not as good as avatar but what is. Overall it was really bad, i was expecting a dark twisted tale but all we get is a light pile of shite.

2/5

In conclusion both films look good but the story lines are dull and in Alice in wonderlands case... very dull.

THE TV SHOWS ARE OUT THERE PART 2

My list continues in no particular order ........

ROSWELL

PLOT: Aliens from the roswell crash attended roswell high - sounds stupid but it's great

WHY: Being a big x files fan i only started watching this show because it was x file like ...oh and breandan fehr looks like a young David Duchovny


BEST: Michael and Maria - so funny together, isobel power to go into people's dreams ..so cool

BEST EPISODES: pilot, summer of 47, The convention, the white room, a roswell christmas carol, viva las vegas, i married an alien, departure.

JUMP THE SHARK: Season 3 - what were they thinking ?



MILLENNIUM

PLOT: Frank Black is an ex FBI agent working for a mysterious organization known as the millennium group.

WHY: Seeing how i loved the x files so much i thought i'd give chris carters other show a go...and i'm glad i did, milliennium is scary and interesting and it some episodes remind me of those early x files.

HIGHLIGHTS: Seeing people from the x files pop up, x files refs, the creepy serial killers, the music.

BEST EPISODES: A room with no view (love is blue) most of season 1/2

JUMP THE SHARK: When franks hair turned grey over night / season 3


THE SIMPSONS


PLOT : Animated sictom about a yellow family

WHY: I first saw the simpsons on video, it was a really early episode, at the time i just saw it as a cartoon it would be years later that i would fully appreciate the humour of the show.

BEST BITS: Everything homer says, when they sing a song, fat comic book guy

BEST EPISODES: so many ... Fat homer, ned flanders house is destroyed, lisa's first word, i love lisa, sending our love down the well, a fish called selma, the springfield files, my sister my sitter, every ep featuring comic book guy

JUMP THE SHARK: Newer episodes, clip shows, simpsons doing bible stories ...not funny

CSI : CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION


PLOT : The series follows Las Vegas criminologists as they use physical evidence to solve grisly murders.


WHY: I didn't pay much attention to CSI at first because it was on ch 5, and at that time everyting on that channel was shit. The first episode i saw involved a bus crash, the show looked like a mini movie and i love all the puzzles. For me the first 6- 7 seasons are the best, it's losing it's touch now.


BEST: Sara and grissom, serial killer episodes.

JUMP THE SHARK : When sara and grissom left.

SPACED

PLOT : Adventures of Tim and Daisy as they navigate through life.

WHY: Spaced is every fanboy/girls dream show, every episodes will feature some x files, star trek , star wars ref. The show is also really funny but there's a lot of jokes you'll only get if you a geek.


BEST: Tims reaction to srar wars episode 1

JUMP THE SHARK: It only lasted 2 seasons so it never had time to jump




FREAKS AND GEEKS


PLOT: High school show focusing on the freeks and geeks


WHY: I just recently disovered this show and loved it. It's the first high school show that i've seen that looks at the freaks and geeks ...who are far more intereting than the cheerleaders and jocks.

BEST: Lindsay stoned, geeks going to the convention, sams jump suit.

JUMP THE SHARK: It never did

THE X FILES


PLOT: Two FBI agents investigate the paranormal one a believer the other a skeptick ...brilliant

WHY: When i heard about the x files i thought it was a weekly documentary about aliens so when i switched on at first i was a little disappointed however after the a few episodes i was hooked. It's a show that makes you think, laugth, cry, and wonder - it is in my opinion the greatest show ever.

BEST: Mulder and Scully shippy scenes, the aliens, the monsters, .........

JUMP THE SHARK : Season 8, the show is about mulder and scully take one of the away and it's shit.

THE TV SHOWS ARE OUT THERE PART 1

MY FAV TV SHOWS IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER

Carnivale
PLOT: A young man with strange healing powers named Ben Hawkins joins a traveling carnival when it passes near his home Soon thereafter, Ben begins having surreal dreams and visions.
WHY: Strange show that freaked me out but also entertained, the show also had some great characters, no other show has a midget playing the lead role ...oh and did i mention there's a bearded lady and a comatosed psychic.
TOP BILL: The characters and the freakish style
BEST EPISODES: Milfay ( first episode) Babylon ( creepy episode) New Cannaan (final)

JUMP THE SHARK: only two season so really it never had time to jump the shark

LOIS AND CLARK: THE NEW ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN
PLOT: lois and clark chase stories while superman pops up now and again to save the day
WHY: lois and Clark was one of my favourite shows when i was younger, i loved the adventure and of course the romance between Lois and Clark. Teri Hatcher was a great lois Lane and i loved Dean Cains Clark Kent ..but not his superman as he appeared more like a man in costume rather than the man of steel.
SUPER BITS: Every moment featuring tempus, and the Christmas episodes were always good.
BEST EPISODES:pilot.(Great first episode, sets the story) i've got a crush on you,( Lois Lane sings) fly hard ( Black and white episode) that old gang of mine, ( Old gansters back from the dead) seaons greedings( christmas space rats ) tempus fugitive( time travel)

JUMP THE SHARK : When lois is replaced by a clone...and the clone has to eat frogs to survive ..i lost a lot of respect for the show when i saw this :(

PRISONER CELL BLOCK H
PLOT: (Snigger) Ground breaking drama set in a woman's prison
WHY: Another childhood favourite, i would beg to stay up late to see it. The show worked because it had great characters, interesting / ludicrous plots, no show has made me laugh and cry like prisoner.
BREAK OUT MOMENTS: Myra/marie's escapes, riot/fire episodes, bea v freak, lizzies surprise party
BEST EPISODES: Pilot, great fire, bea killing nola, wentworth siege, last episode

JUMP THE SHARK : alot of people would argue that prisoner jump the shark in 1979 ..episode 1 ..but i'd say no way, i think once bea left and the Barnhurst 7/8 or 9 (writers couldn't make up their mind how many there were) showed up the show slowly died.

SMALLVILLE

PLOT: The story of a young Clark kent in the days before he was Superman
WHY: Being a big superman fan i was really excited when i heard about this show, after watching the first seaon my excitement faded. The show was very repetitive.. every week someone found meteors which gave them some power and clark had to stop them - i got bored,... fastforward a few years later and i see the show again this time clark is in the fortress, lois lane appears ..........i'm hooked.
SUPER BITS : Lois and clark scenes, flying scenes, martha kent singing,
BEST EPISODES: Pilot (exciting action packed pilot) devoted ( crazy cheer leaders) spirit ( fun ghost episode)solitude, lexmas, reckoning, zod, crimson, noir ( black and white episode) kara ( supergirl) cure ( dean cain) committed ( clois) infamous ( clark tells all) stiletto ( super lois) doomsday ( the beast) ...every episode of season 9 so far.

JUMP THE SHARK: for me it jumped the shark until season 4, then got nibbled a little during season 7 ........then it got on a rescue boat and got far far away from the shark during season 8/9

TOP 5 WORST X FILES EPISODES

TOP 5 WORST X FILES EPISODES

My top 5 worst x files episodes in no particular order

Improbable (s9)

SUMMARY IN 3 WORDS: Numbers, God, music

MY THOUGHTS: To quote comic book guy "worst episode ever " this episode features numerology, bad music and worst of all Burt (plastic face) Reynolds, who plays Mr Burt - great imagination there Mr Carter. You can tell that Chris Cater is trying to do a Darin Morgan style episode however Carter fails to include the main component of a funny episode ..COMEDY.

WORST MOMENT: Mr Burt dancing and singing as it reminded me of Saturday night at work

Space (s1)

SUMMARY IN 3 WORDS: Mars, face, space

MY THOUGHTS: Another awful Chris Carter episode and this one makes less sense than improbable, it looks like Cater has done an Ed wood and constructed a story around some old stock footage. Gillian Anderson is given hardly anything to do, her part includes standing about staring with no clue whats going on ...kinda like the rest of us.

WORST MOMENT: When Belt's face morphs into the face on mars, scully discounts any paranormal activity saying he’s having some kind of a seizure....yeah that's what it is.

SUNSHINE DAYS (S9)

SUMMARY IN THREE WORDS: The brady bunch

MY THOUGHTS: a guy who can control everything with his mind makes his house appear like the brady bunch house with the brady's in it ...because he obsessed with it or something. I usually love the quirky /funny episodes but this ain't any of the above it's just annoying shit.

WORST MOMENT: So many.. but Skinner floating in mid air is truly awful

ALL THINGS (S9)
SUMMARY IN THREE WORDS: scully scully scully


MY THOUGHTS: Gillian Anderson's first attempt at writing and directing ...and hopefully the last. The main problem i have with this episode is that it's so non x files and every scene just seems to be scully wandering around sometimes in slow motion and whats with the bad techno music ?

WORST MOMENT: Mulder wearing a woman's jacket - why ??

SALVAGE (s8)
SUMMARY IN THREE WORDS: Crappy metal man

SUMMARY IN THREE WORDS: A robot type guy that's going around killing people...yawn, even the T2 injokes didn't keep me interested, a very poor episode.

WORST MOMENT: Every scene

The Star Wars Holiday Special': May the farce be with you.

A few hours ago in a galaxy no to far away... Kez Solo convinced her friends Darth phantom and Princess Amanda to watch the documents of life day little did they know how pish it would be............zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

"If I had the time and a sledgehammer, I would track down every copy of that show and smash it." (george Lucas)

Having read this quote before seeing the Star wars holiday special, i thought oh come on Mr Lucas it can't be that bad,.... now having seen this i have to agree however after smashing every copy with a sledgehammer i would have to move on to the writers and cast.

I have to admit i have sat through some shit in my time but this really is the worst thing i have ever seen.

THE PLOT ACCORDING TO ME

Chewbacca and Hans Solo are trying to get back to chewies family in time for life day, Chewbaccas family include wife Malla, son lumpy, and Grampa Itchy, hmmmmmmmm could the names be any worse?? Itchy and lumpy sound like pervy defective dwarfs that didn't get to hang out with snow white and Malla is just awful.

Anyway the Wookie family hang about their home which could possibly be George Lucas basement, they pass the time by watching many monitors, cooking, and wailing as they look at a photo of chewie,..... yes we get it it's life day and he's not there.....meanwhile bad music plays, an old guy appears and Bea Arthur (future golden girl) sings ..badly. The main cast appear for minutes and you can tell from their expressions that they are not happy ...well all apart from Mark Hamil who had more make up on than a Las vegas transvestite show girl, therefore his expression was difficult to see.

AND FINALLY

David Hofstede, author of What Were They Thinking?: The 100 Dumbest Events in Television History, ranked the holiday special at number one, calling it "the worst two hours of television ever. I have to agree i dare anyone to sit through the special without skipping ahead, i bet you can't because if you did you would probably slip into a deep coma, it really is that bad.

1/10

TOP 5 X FILES EPISODES

My top 5 greatest x file episodes - in no particluar order

War of the Coprohaghes (s3)

SUMMARY IN 3 WORDS: cockroaches, Robotics, Bambi.

MY THOUGHTS: a very cool episode, cleary inspired by war of the worlds - Darin Morgan proves that he is and always will be the greatest x files writer. My favourite bits include all the deaths and scully's rational explantion for each one, - straining to much on the toilet, drug abuse, allergies :) but you have to feel sorry for scully in this episode her big exciting weekend at home includes eating ice cream and reading a book ..and everytime the phone rings she assumes it's Mulder - awwww :(

FAVOURITE QUOTES:

Scully: I'm not going to ask if you just said what I think you just said, because I know it's what you said
Mulder: Bambi also has a theory I've come to acro...

Scully: Who?

Mulder: Dr. Berenbaum. Anyway her theory is...

Scully: Her name is Bambi?

Mulder: Yeah. Both her parents were naturalists. Her theory is that UFO's are actually nocturnal insect swarms passing through electrical air fields.

Scully: Her name is Bambi?

BAMBI BERENBAUM: You know, many insects don't develop wings until their last molting stage. Perhaps whatever these things were, they had their final molt and have flown off back to wherever they originated.

SCULLY: Yeah, that would explain everything.

FRASS: you two ought to go home and get some rest. You look pooped.

Jose Chung "From outer space" (S3)

SUMMARY IN 3 WORDS: Aliens, military, hypnosis

MY THOUGHTS Another Darin Morgan classic, i love every moment from the starwars style opening to the thought provoking ending "For although we may not be alone in the universe, in our own separate ways on this planet, we are all... alone." My fav bits include the alien autopsy and mulders scream when he sees the dead alien.

FAVOURITE QUOTES

1ST MAN IN BLACK: No other object as been misidentified as a flying saucer more often than the planet Venus

BLAINE FAULKNER: You can't suppress the truth! The people have a right to know! Roswell... Roswell!

BAD BLOOD (S5)

SUMMARY IN 3 WORDS: vampires, Pizza, Autopsy

MY THOUGHTS: A very clever, witty episode, we have scully's version of events then mulders - both equally hilarious. Luke Wilson is great as Sheriff Hartwell-probably my favourite MOTW episode.

FAVOURITES QUOTES

SCULLY: Well, it's obviously not a vampire.
MULDER: Well, why not?
SCULLY: Because they don't exist?

Squeeze/ Tooms (S1)

SUMMARY IN 3 WORDS: livers, vents, bile

MY THOUGHTS I must have been 11 or 12 when i first saw this episode and it scared me, but i still bought the video and watched it many times. Watching it now i can see it has many flaws and can be a bit OTT at times - "I'm Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure" but it still entertains and reminds me of the show that x files once was.

FAVOURITE QUOTES

FRANK BRIGGS: When I first heard about the death camps in 1945, I remembered Palhatton Mill. When I see the kurds and the bosnians, that room is there, I tell ye. It's like all the horrible acts that humans are capable of, somehow, gave birth to some kind of, human monster. That's why I say I've been waiting for you. Aah, there's a box in the trunk here, get it for me, would you please.

QUAGMIRE (S3)

SUMMARY IN 3 WORDS: Monster, Lake, rock

MY THOUGHTS When i think about x files this episode always pops into my mind - it has everything an x file should have, - dark woods, a monster, and great dialoge between mulder and scully. My favourite bits include the coversation on the rock and Queequag's death :)

FAVOURITE QUOTES
MULDER: I'm still tempted to fire

SCULLY: Well, there's still hope. That's why these missing stories have endured. People want to believe

other great episodes include: ice, triangle, hollywood ad, detour, folie a deux, pusher, small potatoes..........

RITA BEATER MAID

Let me begin by asking - do you remember the great aussie soap prisoner cell block h if no.... you are an idiot.

Prisoner is a show i grew up watching, sure it featured some trully awful acting and it's considered silly and unrealistic but to me it's a show with heart, no other show has made me laugh or cry like prisoner.

So when the oppurtunity to meet Glenda Linscott aka Rita the Beater came up i jumped at the chance, the meeting took place in a small bar which i shall call Mels having already met another prisoner star there i expected the same kind of evening - a desperate star trying to sell crud and really wishing they weren't there however Glenda was none of the above, she was down to earth and was very happy to meet and greet her fans ....all 8 of them (snigger)

As usual i dragged my friend Luke who had just seen her in prisoner the week before. We sat waiting for her to come over, at this point we were quite nervous i was nervous because i didn't know what to say and Luke was nervous because he wasn't much of a fan and therefore had nothing to say. The moment arrived we introduced ourselves and i broke the ice by saying that she hadn't aged a bit... i wasn't being sarcastic she looked the same as she did in prisoner as if she had time travled from the 80s. She seemed very interested in us who we were how we liked the show, i was wearing a check shirt, she asked if it was my prisoner shirt -( a memory i will cherish forever ) she also gave Luke buissness advice which was very srange and surreal.

I also asked her if there was any chance of Prisoner the movie or a remake and she said that she has been approached and maybe just maybe there will be a new prisoner cell block h - yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh:):)

In conclusion it was a good night, it was cool to met someone who was happy with there fame and liked to talk about it all i can say is ...bring on the freak :)

I was so thrilled i wrote this song :)

Lovely Rita beater maid
Lovely Rita beater maid

Lovely Rita beater maid,
Nothing could ever beat you .
When it gets dark I have to run away.

Standing by a parking meter,
When I caught a glimpse of Rita,
beating up a prisoner using her left hook
In a bandana she looked much older,
And the bag across her shoulder
Made her look a little like a biker man.

Lovely Rita beater maid,
May I inquire discreetly,
When are you free to watch some prisoner with me? (Rita!)


Met her out to see what she thinks
Had a laugh and over drinks
Told her I would never like to see her again.
Got the bill and i paid it.
Then sat down I never made it,
Sitting on the sofa with a gay or two.

Oh, lovely Rita beater maid,
Where would I be without you?
Give us money back and make me think of you.
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Rita